When it comes to Tragic Mulatto stories, Halle Berry is doing somersaults around Mariah Carey. In the latest edition of Parade magazine, Berry confesses she considered attempting suicide after the end of her first marriage to former Braves and Yankees star David Justice.

Two things:

1. Wow. David Justice almost deprived the world of the hotness that is Halle Berry.

2. Damn. She must've just lost her mind!

I'm sure being married to a baseball star is great and everything, but YOU'RE Halle Berry . Suicide? That's just crazy talk.

To all the Halle Berrys, ladies getting divorced from athletes and baby mommas who will never see a wedding ring from a professional ball player: please, please, don't go the suicide route when it all falls apart. Don't even go the crying route.

Instead try the Carrie Underwood "Before He Cheats" method.

It's pretty simple:

1. Key his pimped-out car.

2. Carve your name into his leather seats.

3. Take a Louisville Slugger and bash out his headlights.

4. And of course, slash out all four tires. (It's an oldie, but a goodie.)

Now that's how to end a marriage/relationship.

So remember: don't get suicidal, get even ... the cars, the house, the vacation homes, 50 percent of his earnings, and his pretty little dog too (if you're feeling especially bitter).

Something to Watch: I realize country music isn't everyone's forte, but this Carrie Underwood ditty certainly has crossover appeal with the angry-woman demographic. Check it out while you plan your alibi for that day a certain someone's vehicle winds up totaled. (I know, it wasn't you.)