How does one train for a marathon? Proper diet? Exhausting gym sessions? Hard work and dedication?

No, try crossing your legs and saying a big N-O to sex.

It worked for Kenyan Martin Lel, who won the New York City Marathon last weekend. From Page Six, success is best achieved when the girlfriend's goodies stay in the jar:

The secret to the marathon victory of Kenyan Martin Lel on Sunday was chastity - and pasta, sources say. Lel's Italian trainer kept the runner away from his girlfriend for two weeks prior to the race and had him carbo-loading at Serafina Broadway, where he devoured the same dish, spaghetti bolognese, for lunch and dinner four days straight.

Who knew the secret to winning is as simple as becoming a carbohydrate-obsessed nun? (Somewhere the Catholic Church is going, "See, we told you so!")

Now that I think about it, it's probably been years since the New England Patriots last got some. They must be boiling over with pent-up sexual frustration, which would explain why the Patriots are full-out assaulting opposing teams.