By Dr. Boyce Watkins, PhD on Jun 4th 2010 8:51AM
Filed under: Basketball
NBA star Dwyane Wade's divorce just got a little uglier. This week, the court gave Wade custody of his two sons, citing his
wife's failure to obey court rules as part of the reason. Wade was given "physical possession" by the judge, who resides in Chicago. This was a day after Wade settled four civil suits that had been brought against him by former business partners on matters unrelated to his divorce.
The court cited Wade's wife, Siohvaughn, and found that the player's ability to see his children "has been frustrated on an ongoing basis as a result of continual interference" by his estranged spouse. There were three instances referenced, one in March and two in May, where Wade's visitation times had been altered and another time when his wife would not open the gate when he came to pick up his kids.
"The court is troubled by the continuing pattern of [Siohvaughn Wade] to obey court orders when they go her way and disobey court orders when they do not," wrote Associate Judge
Fe Fernandez.
Wade is seeking full custody of his sons in the divorce. Another hearing is scheduled for later this month.
The
Wade divorce is a sad microcosm of what happens in many households throughout America. Divorce is a frustrating and painful process, especially for children. What's worse is that when children are used as a negotiating chip in divorce proceedings, this only serves to magnify the long-term psychological damage resulting from the unfortunate situation.
What's also true about this divorce is that Wade's situation speaks loudly to the fact that not every man in a broken relationship chooses not to see his children. In some cases, where the non-custodial parent doesn't have millions of dollars to fight in court, the custodial parent may feel that he or she has the right to determine the terms and times of any and all visitation.
A prominent attorney in Kentucky,
Nicole Taylor-Compton, works on behalf of fathers who have had their parental rights stolen from them, and she tells me that the number of such cases grows every year. This is not to say that there aren't many fathers who willfully refuse to see their children. It does remind us, however, that in some cases where the father can't be prominent in the life of the child, it may be at the mother's demand.
It takes two parents to make a baby. Don't allow your selfishness to keep your children from their father. If the father chooses to remain uninvolved, then that's his decision. But if you are creating one reason after another to not allow the father to see his children, then I am here to tell you that it's not your sole right to control every aspect of your children's upbringing. After all, the father helped make the baby with you.
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Dr. Boyce Watkins is the founder of the Your Black World Coalition and the author of the new book 'Black American Money.' To have Dr. Boyce's commentary delivered to your e-mail, please click here. 
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Comments: (34)
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By: David on 6/04/2010 9:39AM
"NBA star Dwayne Wade's divorce just got a little bit uglier. This week, the court gave Wade custody of his two sons, citing his wife's failure to obey court rules as part of the reason".
WHY is it considered UGLY that a father got custody of his children considering how irresponsible the mother has been behaving?? Far too many unfit mothers like Siohvaughnget get full custody of the children and we don't blink an eye.
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By: john on 6/06/2010 9:03AM
I agree. The sentence "for the best interest of the children." Really, is interpreted by law as being in the best interest of the women, not mother. The reasoning is that this country does not want women paying CS, nor do they want women/mothers prosecuted for not paying CS, etc. Our women's groups and society would rather have children fail and die under the women/mothers control no matter what. The children's safety, health, and well-being does not matter at all.
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By: SUZIE on 6/06/2010 4:36PM
She bitter! It is sad how bitter she is. he's gone, don't want your ass, move on with your life! dam, why is that so hard for people.Ok, it hurts, heal and move your ghetto ass on!
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By: Ty Simmons on 6/04/2010 2:08PM
In the black community, this is nothing new. For years, mothers have used the children of a failed marriage/relationships as weapons against the fathers. For the fathers who are in their children's life, a lot of the women become EXTREMELY selffish and spiteful for several reasons:
1. They still want the man but the man doesn't want her.
2. The man wants the woman but the woman doesn't want the man.
3. She's unhappy with the amount of support she's getting! It's called CHILD SUPPORT, not WOMAN & CHILD SUPPORT!!
4. The mother does not like the man's new partner!
5. woman wants to start a new life with her new partner without interferance from biological father.
Until the court system recognizes this behavior on a regular basis, woman will continue to take advantage of the access men have to their children!
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By: tanky2321 on 6/06/2010 6:02PM
You are right, however Ty, this can be said in reverse as well. How about when the man decides to leave, she is stuck with the child whether she likes it or not. He is free to come and go as he pleases, while she has to ask someone to watch the child. There are alot of Great fathers around who support and are involved, and there's Great mothers out here that want that for there children. I have two children, my oldest is 21, and my youngest 11. I believe that a child should be with their father, I had my father all my life and still Blessed to have him. My sons father didn't feel that way, and he is paying Dearly for that because my son will not speak to him at all. My daughters father comes to see her as often as he can, and he's very sick, but he comes. I just saying not all women are like that
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By: Ms V on 6/06/2010 9:43PM
Ty, please explain to me where all the additional funds for the child come from when daddy pays his set amount in support? Guess what, its Mommy that handles all that. As children grow up their needs change and are more expensive. They have activities that they want to be involved in, and Mommy is the one financing it all in addition to the daily support. Remember it takes two to create a child and both should be equally responsible. So don't be so quick to think it's woman & child support.
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By: No1'sname on 6/07/2010 9:27AM
I agree with you tanky & like the saying goes "you reap what you sow" Some dead beats don't realize that one day when they wake up they might need their children because children give unconditional love to their parents but when you neglect your responsibility a child never forgets. As far as Wade's case its for his sons best interest & his ex-wife needs to get some serious counseling before she is ever given visitation!
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By: carla ford on 6/04/2010 11:43AM
David,
It's always ugly when a parent loses custodial rights of their children, whether it's the mother or father. I understand your point, but the ugliness comes from the kids having to be uprooted & moved to another residence just like that; especially when they're used to seeing their mother everyday.
I don't think the author meant to imply Dwayne Wade was an unfit parent.
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By: Carol on 6/06/2010 6:23AM
The article left out the part about Dwayne taking the kids to Gabriel Union's house. True it's wrong to use children as a pawn, but is it right for Dwayne to involve his children in a relatonship so soon? Questions to ponder.
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By: mannup on 6/06/2010 5:05PM
Hey Carol, here are two facts for you to chew on, Fact #1 You don't know where dwyane wade is taking his children, most likely his family will be looking after the well being of the kids while he is on the road. Fact #2 You act as if wade and his wife had just broken up weeks ago, They separated years ago and gabby wasn't the first woman he dated after wade and wife parted and probably if his wife didn't go psycho every time things don't go her way they may still be together.
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