By Dr. Boyce Watkins, PhD on Jun 4th 2010 8:51AM
Filed under: Basketball
NBA star Dwyane Wade's divorce just got a little uglier. This week, the court gave Wade custody of his two sons, citing his
wife's failure to obey court rules as part of the reason. Wade was given "physical possession" by the judge, who resides in Chicago. This was a day after Wade settled four civil suits that had been brought against him by former business partners on matters unrelated to his divorce.
The court cited Wade's wife, Siohvaughn, and found that the player's ability to see his children "has been frustrated on an ongoing basis as a result of continual interference" by his estranged spouse. There were three instances referenced, one in March and two in May, where Wade's visitation times had been altered and another time when his wife would not open the gate when he came to pick up his kids.
"The court is troubled by the continuing pattern of [Siohvaughn Wade] to obey court orders when they go her way and disobey court orders when they do not," wrote Associate Judge
Fe Fernandez.
Wade is seeking full custody of his sons in the divorce. Another hearing is scheduled for later this month.
The
Wade divorce is a sad microcosm of what happens in many households throughout America. Divorce is a frustrating and painful process, especially for children. What's worse is that when children are used as a negotiating chip in divorce proceedings, this only serves to magnify the long-term psychological damage resulting from the unfortunate situation.
What's also true about this divorce is that Wade's situation speaks loudly to the fact that not every man in a broken relationship chooses not to see his children. In some cases, where the non-custodial parent doesn't have millions of dollars to fight in court, the custodial parent may feel that he or she has the right to determine the terms and times of any and all visitation.
A prominent attorney in Kentucky,
Nicole Taylor-Compton, works on behalf of fathers who have had their parental rights stolen from them, and she tells me that the number of such cases grows every year. This is not to say that there aren't many fathers who willfully refuse to see their children. It does remind us, however, that in some cases where the father can't be prominent in the life of the child, it may be at the mother's demand.
It takes two parents to make a baby. Don't allow your selfishness to keep your children from their father. If the father chooses to remain uninvolved, then that's his decision. But if you are creating one reason after another to not allow the father to see his children, then I am here to tell you that it's not your sole right to control every aspect of your children's upbringing. After all, the father helped make the baby with you.
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Dr. Boyce Watkins is the founder of the Your Black World Coalition and the author of the new book 'Black American Money.' To have Dr. Boyce's commentary delivered to your e-mail, please click here. 
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Comments: (34)
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By: MS PEGGY on 6/06/2010 7:51AM
Lord have mercy! Now he's a full-time parent with two small children. Who will raise the children when he goes on the road? His girlfriend is a career woman and she is certainly not going to give up her lifestyle to raise another woman's children. The Wade family has been torn apart at the seams. Siohvaughn's heart has been broken. Daddy's love nest has been shattered and the poor children might be scarred for life. When the law rules within a home instead of LOVE the end result won't be good.
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By: floyd on 6/06/2010 3:16PM
MS PEGGY
I sorry to say you're an idiot. I a child of a difficult divorce. One thing that didn't happen in my case was the parents using me or my siblings as pawns. Stop making excuses for Siohvaughn's behavior in this matter. She looks more like a unstable parent than one who is looking out for the best interests of her kids
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By: Pechus on 6/07/2010 1:43PM
Uh Peggy, get your facts straight. About the only thing "broken" involving Siohvaughn is her pocket book and/or that pychotic mind of hers! Dwayne Wade busted her having an affair outside their marriage! That's what broke the marriage up (aside from the fact she's a nut-case)! I applaud the fact the Judge had sense enough to give those children to the parent that loves them. The need for divorce was bad enough, but Siohvaughn was using those children as pawns! What decent woman & mother would do such a sick thing?!!
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By: MS PEGGY on 6/07/2010 3:09PM
@Pechus. I have the facts straight as they were reported in the article. The children were removed from the custody of their mother and the daddy was given temporary custody. It is a a good assumption that Siohvaughn doesn't want a divorce from her husband and that she has been replaced in her husband's heart and bed. Your allegations of adultery and mental illness are just that - allegations. Do you know the difference between a fact and an opinion? Were you a fly on the wall or just read newspaper articles like the rest of us? Do you not have proper home training? You should not call people derogatory names? Your mom should have taught you better Mister or Miss or whatever you are. Be blessed and try to have a little love and compassion for hurting people, especially innocent children. The average young man will lay you out if you talk about their momma in the manner in which you've disrespected me in this public forum. I'm glad to have never made your acquaintance and hope to God that I never do.
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By: MS PEGGY on 6/07/2010 3:10PM
@Floyd, Are you really sorry to say and think what you said? Probably not. I don't know you but I'll show you some respect. Why? Because I had a mother. I have compassion. I can sympathize with a woman who is losing her husband and now her children. I challenge you to attempt to do the same. I've never been a boy, a daddy or a husband so its difficult for me to relate to Mr. Wade but being a woman I can certainly relate to Siohvaughn and her traumatic situation. I haven't a clue what took place in the marriage, but I do know that when a family is torn apart, the children suffer and they are the innocent parties.
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By: Eric Williamson on 6/06/2010 7:52AM
Most women who have custody of their children and are angry at the father for whatever caused the break-up and use the children as a "weapon" to get back at the father. I have been in an unbelieveable custody battle for my son where the Memphis and Shelby County Juvenile Court (Memphis, Tennessee) has allowed the mother to live with a married man who is also a convicted felon (convictions for domestic violence). No court in the nation would allow something like this however, the courts in the south make-up the law as they go along. They do this because they can.
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By: christine on 6/06/2010 9:25AM
The tone of this article, clearly shows that it is from the perspective of a male. I would hope that anyone intelligent enough to write an article such as this, is equipped enough "Dr." to see both sides.
It is true that many homes are being destroyed by divorce. It is also true that many of these men that leave their wives are due to extramarital affairs. WIth that said, it is difficult for a mother to let her children go with a man and his newfound love to enjoy a weekend. It's almost like sleeping with the enemy. Moreover, leaving your child with their father, which whom rarely took care of them when you were together, only leaves worry for a mother, that their children will end up with the woman that they choose to be around. Again, it happens all too often and though keeping your children away from their father may seem wrong, I think looking at the damage caused initially by the person engaging in outside affairs is of prime concern when looking at the well-being of the child. Don't think for a moment that kids are unaware as to what is happening. They are innocent but very cognizant bystanders and they will begin to show their disdain for the person that has caused the damage in due time. Trust me...I am a product of it. I continued to see my father but I hated him all the more...especially when I saw him be with other women besides my mother and mistreat my mother like she causes him so much grief, yet the women he chose to be around was great for him...for the moment. Until that didn't last. I think there needs to be a rude awakening to the damage MEN cause and how much irresponsibility is done before the VISITATION ISSUES.
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By: SMH on 6/06/2010 11:16AM
Well if the article is showing a male perspective,I say about damn time.GOD knows we have been hearing the female perspective long enough.Nothing wrong with a little balance here and there.
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By: A Mother in Cypress on 6/06/2010 5:21PM
I to share your story, both as a child of a terrible divorce and now as a mother and ex-wife. There are numerous reasons for a mother to not allow the father take the children out of "THEIR SIGHT". You'd never know what goes on behind closed doors. Bitterness most of the time has nothing to do with it, especially if there was a marriage with infidelity. There is more so, hurt and deep concern!
Do the person having the affair care about the consequences after it is brought exposed???
The selfish acts of cheating on ones family speaks volumes on the love and respect that they obviously have. We all see the signs of the time. Why would a caring parent want their newly wounded children to be introduced to the "MISTRESS/LOVER" as if they have the childrens best interest at heart. If they did, they would not be present in the demise of the marriage.
How healthy is that? If the father cared as much for his children and family as he did for seeking out other relationships while being home as a husband and father..
We all wouldn't be blogging about this now!
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By: Janis on 6/06/2010 9:57AM
All everyone thinks that Gabriel broke up this relationship. No. Siohvaughn accused Dwayne of giving her an STD when she is the one that was cheating. A parent should not talk bad about another parent, as the child will find out when he is older.
Whether or not Dwayne as a friend in his life, I am quit sure she has one too.
She must be crazy, if nine ( 9 ) lawyers dropped her.
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