NBA star Dwyane Wade's divorce just got a little uglier. This week, the court gave Wade custody of his two sons, citing his wife's failure to obey court rules as part of the reason. Wade was given "physical possession" by the judge, who resides in Chicago. This was a day after Wade settled four civil suits that had been brought against him by former business partners on matters unrelated to his divorce.

The court cited Wade's wife, Siohvaughn, and found that the player's ability to see his children "has been frustrated on an ongoing basis as a result of continual interference" by his estranged spouse. There were three instances referenced, one in March and two in May, where Wade's visitation times had been altered and another time when his wife would not open the gate when he came to pick up his kids.

"The court is troubled by the continuing pattern of [Siohvaughn Wade] to obey court orders when they go her way and disobey court orders when they do not," wrote Associate Judge Fe Fernandez.

Wade is seeking full custody of his sons in the divorce. Another hearing is scheduled for later this month.

The Wade divorce is a sad microcosm of what happens in many households throughout America. Divorce is a frustrating and painful process, especially for children. What's worse is that when children are used as a negotiating chip in divorce proceedings, this only serves to magnify the long-term psychological damage resulting from the unfortunate situation.

What's also true about this divorce is that Wade's situation speaks loudly to the fact that not every man in a broken relationship chooses not to see his children. In some cases, where the non-custodial parent doesn't have millions of dollars to fight in court, the custodial parent may feel that he or she has the right to determine the terms and times of any and all visitation.

A prominent attorney in Kentucky, Nicole Taylor-Compton, works on behalf of fathers who have had their parental rights stolen from them, and she tells me that the number of such cases grows every year. This is not to say that there aren't many fathers who willfully refuse to see their children. It does remind us, however, that in some cases where the father can't be prominent in the life of the child, it may be at the mother's demand.

It takes two parents to make a baby. Don't allow your selfishness to keep your children from their father. If the father chooses to remain uninvolved, then that's his decision. But if you are creating one reason after another to not allow the father to see his children, then I am here to tell you that it's not your sole right to control every aspect of your children's upbringing. After all, the father helped make the baby with you.



Dr. Boyce Watkins is the founder of the Your Black World Coalition and the author of the new book 'Black American Money.' To have Dr. Boyce's commentary delivered to your e-mail, please click here.